Gift : By Swathi T

1989

I was 5yrs old . That was the first time I remember seeing her. She was wearing bright Benarasi saree and a had broad smile on her face. She was giggling away with her friends and once in a while glanced at her husband, Sanjay, who was my father’s best friend. I never once left my dad’s side and sat there watching Roopa, wife of Sanjay uncle who were celebrating their first anniversary. She was so different from my mother Rita. My mother was busy with her set of friends never once looking at my dad but Roopa kept looking at Sanjay uncle now and then and both smiled at each other. At that time I found that odd. I felt isn’t she tired of looking at the same man and smiling everytime. When it was time to leave, my dad asked me to fetch my mom. As usual on the way home, both were not talking and the only sound in our car was that of soft music coming out of car stereo. Even that sound didn’t last for long as my mother didn’t like that music. I slept in our rest of the journey to home.

1991

I was 7yrs old now. At this time i realized how much my dad loved me. He used to bring me so many toys and used to spend as much time as possible with me in my room. I used to sing for him, tell him my poems, showed my school work, showed my paintings. He just loved everything I did. Soon after making me sleep on my bed, I could hear loud voices from his bedroom. Sometimes I sneaked into their room to see my mom and dad quarrelling in the top of their voices. I never understood what was wrong between them but this scene used to repeat every day. Mom rarely used to speak to me but she never behaved bad with me. She always used to spend time with her friends which did not include Roopa. The more dad had fight with my mom, the more he used to love me.

1992

I was 8yrs old and saw the court for first time. My mom left our house and stayed with her parents. I never missed her but I didn’t understand why she left us. We often used to make rounds to court, me and dad in one car and mom in another car with her parents. Naana- Naani rarely showed their love to me. This was the first time I heard the word “Divorce”. Judge questioned me, with whom do I want to stay? I said “Papa” with no reluctance at all. I remember my mom stared at me for a moment and after that she never looked back at me. Dad put his soft hands on my head and I saw his eyes moistened for first time. Soon after my parents’ divorce, my Dadi came and started living with us. One day Roopa and Sanjay uncle came to our home. Roopa tried to talk with me and asked me what I was doing in school. But I didn’t reply to any of her questions. She looked radiant and beautifull but I didn’t like her.

1994

I was 10yrs old and saw the funeral for first time. Sanjay uncle’s body was wrapped in a white cloth and he was laying there as if having a sound sleep. There was no blood, no injury. He looked calm and serene. He died of a heart attack at an young age of 37yrs. Roopa for first time looked ugly with hair all over her face, kajal spread below her eyes, no lipstick, no bindi, absolutely no jewellery on her body. I stared at her. She was not crying but just silently watching at the body of Sanjay Uncle. Ladies sitting besides her were forcing her to cry. My dad was sitting at one corner with eyes down. He didn’t talk to anybody. On the way home dad told me that Sanjay uncle and he were best friends in school. He told me many stories of their friendship. Just before reaching home, I asked my dad “ Who is ur best friend now?” He looked at me and said “You”. That was the happiest day of my life.

1995

I was 11yrs old. I came home from school and I saw dad waiting for me in my room. I wondered why he came early from the office. As soon as he saw me, he presented me a electric piano/keyboard. I was thrilled and started playing tunes on the keyboard. After a while he took me to Pizza Hut, my favourite restaurant. After finishing my pizza, he said that he wanted to ask me something. He said “Do you like Roopa aunty?” I looked at him and said “she is ok…why”. Then my dad said “I am planning to marry Roopa. You know what, Dadi is getting old and even you need a mother now. I feel she would be a great mom to you. What do u say?”. I said “Why only Roopa?” He said “Because, she is the best person to be your mom and you know her well”. I quickly replied “ No I don’t know her well”. My dad sipped his coffee and slowly said “See Isha beta, don’t think that I will love you less after I marry Roopa. You will be always my queen and nobody can change that. I just thought that as you are growing up you need a mother and also Roopa aunty will have your company as she doesn’t have any kids of her own. She likes you and our family.” I never said yes to my dad but they got married in a simple ceremony in a temple. There were very few relatives from both sides. Roopa looked more lean and didn’t had those bright eyes during their marriage. She no more looked beautifull and I felt happy.

Soon after dad’s marriage to Roopa. Things changed at home. Dadi’s health improved and she always liked the company of Roopa. During the day, Roopa spend most of the time doing Pooja or making food in the kitchen. Once in a while she used to come to my room to clean it. During those times I went to Dadi or went to sit in the hall watching TV. We both had very few questions for each other. Our home looked much neater as it never used to be. She always used to ask me what I wanted to eat and I used to tell her what my dad didn’t like. Dad used to spend time with me but number of hours decreased. He wanted all four of us, me, dadi , Roopa and himself to spend time together. Roopa started looking radiant after few months time as she was before. I started hating Roopa more and more.

1997

I was 13yrs old. I attained puberty at this time and world changed around me. Dad was not as loving as he was before. He used to maintain distance but still brought me gifts. I didn’t lilke the changes in my body and used to remain aloof. I used to speak only when I had to fight with Roopa or when I am with dad. I had very few friends. I started looking ugly with all the pimples on my face and whenever Roopa tried asking me to put a pack of “multani mitti” on my face, I used to shout on her to mind her own business. One day while I was sleeping in my bedroom, I could hear Roopa and Dad arguing. It was the same kind of voices I heard 7 yrs back. I was happy. I thought now Roopa and Dad will be divorced too. I again tip toed to my dad’s bedroom and tried to listen with all my ears with my face plastered to their bedroom wall.

Roopa was sobbing and was saying “ I am sorry but I thought its necessary.”

Then came my dad’s voice “But why didn’t you even tell me once before going for abortion? Didn’t you think its important to discuss with me once?”

That was the first time I heard the word “Abortion”.

Then came Roopa’s voice “Ramesh, I knew if I would tell you, you wont allow me to take this step. This was for Isha.”

My dad’s voice became more humble this time “Cmon Roopa, Isha is not a small girl. She can understand. We always could have taken care of both the kids”

“No Ramesh. More than you, I understand the heart of the woman. Isha cant bear my child in this house and I don’t want to divide you between both our kids. You have all what Isha has Ramesh. Lets give all our love to our only child”

I stood there for a while and there was no more voices from there. I went back to my room. I took a dictionary and searched for the word “Abortion” and its meaning. After going through the meaning, I felt that Roopa went one more step closer to my dad.

2000

I was 16 yrs old. I was in my 11 th grade. I took science as my option for higher studies. Dad used to help me with my studies as he was good in science and maths. First time in my life I had a crush on a guy from our school. It was a strange feeling. I often wondered it’s the same feeling that dad and Roopa might be having? I never called Roopa by her name or with the word “maa”. Roopa became very popular in our colony because as people used to say that she is very generous and helping in nature. This made me villain of the colony. Very rarely did any kids from our colony used to talk to me and I hardly used to bother about it. Dad at time seems frustrated with the distance between me and Roopa but over the years he got used to it. He stopped forcing me or Roopa to talk to each other or spend time with each other. This time I saw one death in my family. My dadi passed away. She went for sleep the previous night and never got up. People said she died a peaceful death. I didn’t understand what they meant at that time. After Dadi left us, there were just 2 ladies left in the house. Soon after Roopa’s parents often used to come home. Roopa always felt happy with her parents presence. Roopa’s parents didn’t talk to me much other than the usual questions about my studies and future plans.

2002

I was 18yrs old. I got good enough score in my 12th and got admission in a very good college of which my dad was proud of. Around the same time I got admission in BITs Pilani and I was very excited about it. But at the same time I was anxious about leaving dad and studying in a hostel. Hostel was not my main fear, it was something else. When dad came to know that I qualified for BITS Pilani, he was on top of the world and he told all our relatives about it. I felt happy again after a long time. Dad made all arrangements for my stay in Pilani. Both Dad and Roopa came to Pilani for the first time when they left me there in college hostel. I never said “bye” to Roopa but hugged dad and cried as I saw him leaving. Life in hostel taught me a total different perspective of life. I had to adjust with 2 other girls in the same room who had very different mentalities. During holidays I oftern used to ask dad to come Pilani rather than me going home. He used to come and visit me as often as possible. For couple of times he brought Roopa along but later he stopped bringing her seeing my reaction. During summer holidays I often spent time with my friends and toured all across India.

2004

It was during this time I met my senior Shailendra. He was the most smart and intelligent guy I ever met. Soon our friendship grew into love and were committed to each other.

2006

I was 21yr old and I completed my graduation. My dad was elated by hearing my final year score on the phone. I asked him to come alone on my graduation day. He was upset but agreed. On the day of graduation. I waited and waited. Nobody came. Nobody even bothered to call me. I was heart-broken. Shailendra was there to support me. I had a job offer in hand in Bombay and wanted to go there direcly without visiting home. But Shailendra insisted that I should go home, may be my dad was sick or there should be some reason why he didn’t attend the graduation. On his words, I went home. As soon as I got down from the auto, I saw lot of footwear outside our home. Door was open, and lot of people were inside. All that reminded me of the day when I first time went to Sanjay uncle’s funeral. This sent an eerie feeling inside me. I slowed pusher my luggage and went inside to see a body covered in white cloth.

Face was swollen, I couldn’t recognize who he was. Then I stared around. I saw Roopa sitting there again as she was 13yrs back. I stared again at the dead body. It was dad’s. Shailendra ws right. This was indeed the strong reason. Not only did her dad come to graduation but he left her alone in this world. One of the uncle from our colony made me sit and started saying “Beta Isha, your dad was so happy yesterday. He wanted to come to your graduation but before going to pilani, he wanted to buy a gift for you. But, bad luck, he met with an accident. I am sorry beta, your dad was a great man. He loved you very much.”

That was the first time tears rolled down my cheeks.

For next 3 days Roopa fainted every now and then. She was taken to hospital or a doctor used to come home to check her. Most of my relatives left except for my Mami, my dad’s sister Ragini and her family. She used to often spend time with me. And Roopa with her parents and relatives. Ragini mami always used to say that it was due to Roopa that dad lost his life. She is cursed. She kept saying that Ramesh took wrong step my marrying her. I cried more.

On the 4th day I started packing things from my room in a suitcase when Roopa’s mother came into my room

“So are you happy now?” said Roopa’s mother with moistened eyes.

I looked at her and said “what do u mean”?

“Now you must be happy that Roopa is all alone again right. Now that she wont be normal person again in life. You have snatched whatever little happiness she had. If it hadn’t been you, your dad would have been alive today” said Roopa’s mother in between her sobs and left the room.

I sat there motionless.

After a while I made a call to Shailendra and started leaving the room when I heard Roopa shouting.

I couldn’t hear her properly so I went near her room.

Roopa was shouting on her parents “Please for God Sake stop blaming that little girl. What did she do? It is I who should be blamed. I already told you people before marriage that I am cursed. Don’t force me to marry again. But you never listened. God sent me 2 people in my life who loved me like anything and he snatched them both. Isha is a gift for me from Ramesh. However she is, she is part of Ramesh’s persona. Ramesh always said that Isha is her little queen. I want to be with his queen for ever, having her is like having Ramesh. From now on both of you should not interfere in my family.”

I went back to my room. Lied on my bed and looked up at the wall and said “sorry” with soft voice.

I called up Shailendra again and stayed back.

2009

I am 24 yr old now. 3 yrs have passed by since dad’s death. I started working in delhi itself. Me and Roopa became close and were almost like two good friends. There was no mother-daughter feeling. Since dad’s death Roopa faced lot of health problems but still she never left me home without my lunch box . I told her about Shailendra and she soon talked to his parents for marriage. Today I am got married to Shailendra. I will have to leave Roopa, my home and go to a new home. Like dad, I want to give some gift to Roopa before leaving but don’t know what.. I don’t even have time to buy anything. What should I do!

“Isha, come beta Shailendra and his family is waiting” said Roopa coming into my room and dragged my hand along.

Shailendra’s car was waiting outside our home. Roopa looked happy but I could see a glint of tears in her eyes. I looked back to see my home and then Roopa.

I came close to Roopa and said “I want to gift you something.”

Roopa looked at me questioningly.

I hugged her and said “ I will miss you ....Maa”

Roopa almost fainted but I held her tight.

Tears rolled down both our cheeks.

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