Niva kept refreshing her browser to see if she saw what she was wanted to. But today was not a good day for her. It had been more than 24 hours Since Abhi last sent her an email. She was frustrated and mad at the situation.
“How could I let him get into my head so easily? I barely know him over a week now and have just met him twice. Oh God, I just hate to be in this situation.”
After 5 minutes of wandering around the coffee machine, Niva returned back to her desk and refreshed her gmail again, and a frown crossed her face.
“Did I write him something in the last email that I shouldn’t have? Maybe I should just write back something to cover up my last email. May be not, I will just wait, I guess”
Thousands of questions crossed her mind. Then she started talking to herself
“I told you Niva to keep guys away and especially someone like Abhi who was coming a little too fast at you” And then she tried to defend herself”I didn’t take the first step and he was so modest and calm, it would have been rude to wade him off”
“Oh by the way, did he not say he was in an all day training today, maybe that’s why there is no email from him today, you got to have patience” And then she answered herself “Hey it just takes 2 minutes to type an email. And he has an iPhone which he carries with him, anyways whatever”
After ten more minutes of self arguments, she decided to step away from her laptop and go for a quick walk with Ritu. Ritu has been a close friend and a colleague of Niva for over 2 years now, but for some reason, Niva did not want to discuss about Abhi with her. Infact she did not discuss about him with anyone so far. And she felt about it today, now that she felt dumped by him already.
Walking down the Market Street towards the ferry building, Niva wandered around to see some street vendors selling beaded jewelry, paintings of the city and the Golden Gate Bridge. The smell of the gourmet cheese filled the air. Niva realized how much she loved the city of San Francisco and how it had become her second home. Ritu and she walked past the ferry building and strolled along the boardwalk. They stood there silently feeling the air of the bay on their face. Their silence broke with a horn of the big sail boat. She came back to reality and they walked back to their work. Niva logged back in and ofcourse much against her will, she refreshed her gmail hoping to see an email from Abhi, but today is not a good day for her.
Time went really slow and she looked at her watch every 10 minutes to see if it was 5 PM yet. At 5 , she shut down her laptop, packed her bags and threw her unfinished Peach in the trash and moved out of her cubicle. Her appetite had gone for a toss and she knew the reason and was not happy about it. She went to the farmers market across her office picked some fresh vegetables and fruits and hoped to entice her appetite in the evening. Took a light rail to her apartment and slammed the door behind her back when she went in. She just threw herself at the couch and lay there gazing at the ceiling. She had no count of how many time she had refreshed her iPhone to see if there was an email.
Lying on that couch, Niva went back to what happened on that Wednesday a month ago. That was the day when she first joined the Toastmasters club, and ofcourse met Abhi. Toast masters is a club for improving public speaking. Niva has always been a bold and confident girl. She comes from a small famiy with parents and a younger brother. She is an extrovert person, proactive at work and always on top of things. She didn’t need toast masters to improve her public speaking. But it sounded like decent time killer and she always loved to hear what others had to speak. Abhi had been a member of the club for almost 6 months now and for similar reasons as Niva First glance, he was like any other desi, tall, dark and kind of handsome. Not worth giving a second glance, she thought to herself. In her first meeting, she participated in Table topics, her favorite extempore session, and to her surprise she had won. In the very same meeting, there was an award ceremony for the quarter and Abhi had won the Table topics winner for that quarter for that club. After the one hour meeting, she walked to the elevator to return to her gift and Abhi came running behind her to take the same elevator.
“Nice job there, good one for a beginner” started the conversation from Abhi.
“Thanks, and I was pleasantly surprised and hey Congratulations on your award”
“Thanks, Well, I got it probably because you weren’t around last quarter” Abhi was a natural speaker and Niva was flattered by his comment. The elevator door opened and Niva walked out without looking back. It was one of the numerous forgettable conversations. The following week Abhi got an opportunity to make a speech and as expected he was eloquent and flawless. Everybody were impressed and so was Niva. In her evaluation form to Abhi, her feedback had no negative comment except that he should smile a bit during his talks. That comment sure put a smile on Abhi’s face.
Days passed and Niva wanted to give her first speech and she couldn’t find her manual for speech readiness. And without her knowledge, she started writing an email to Abhi to ask if he ha da soft copy of the manual which he could share with her. Even to this day, she has no answer to why she sent that email to Abhi when there were 15 other members in the club. Abhi was prompt in his reply and ofcourse with the manual. That email triggered the numerous emails which went back and forth between the two. The day would start with Abhi asking her how her morning was, what where her plans for lunch, what was she doing in the evening. And on Fridays they would exchange their weekend activities and plans. It went on for 3 weeks and all these 3 weeks Abhi couldn’t make it to the Toastmasters due to his hectic schedule at work. Still Niva felt he was always next to her. Everyday Abhi would ask her about her plans for lunch and Niva secretively would hope that he would ask her out. But Abhi wouldn’t and Niva would realize that it is too early for him. Every email from him would bring a smile on her face.
But today, things were different. No emails in her inbox. She was not her usual self and the world looked so depressing and she felt aloof. She didn’t bother to cook dinner but instead watched Kuch kuch hota hai sipping her coffee. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she watched the movie. And she didn’t realize when she fell asleep.
The next day was bright and beautiful. Niva hoped it to bring a new hope and happiness into her life. She couldn’t put Abhi out of her mind. She thought about him while she packed lunch, had her shower and on the way to work. Three hours into work and she hadn’t heard from Abhi yet. She had no contact number she could dial and scream at him nor his office address. She knew the company he worked for and she also knew that he worked in an office building right next to hers. While she was thinking about him, she invariantly started typing him an email.
Hi Abhi
Just wondering I didn’t hear back from you since a couple of day. I hope you are doing OK. Let me know if you need any help – Niva
“does this email sound too desperate? Well doesn’t matter in giving it a try, may be he didn’t get my last mail and waiting for my mail instead”
Amidst all these thoughts, she clicked on the send button and hoped to hear from him soon. And voila after thirty long minutes she saw his email in her Inbox. She squealed with joy. And there it was: his sincere apology. The email was all that Niva wanted to read. It said that he was busy in an all day meeting and hence couldn’t get to his email. And rest was usual. Niva was one happy girl. Things had come to normal. But her definition of normal had changed over time.
The saga of emails went on for over a week and one fine day the unexpected happened. Niva was on one of her afternoon walks alone and was lost in thoughts when she heard someone call her from behind. She thought she was wrong but she heard it again “Niva, Niva !!!” She turned around and to her surprise, there he was, Abhi. She couldn’t believe her eyes and she stood there gasping for words. Casual smile on Abhi’s face and the obvious surprise and excitement on Niva’s face.
“Where you heading to” came the question from Abhi
“Just for a quick walk around the ocean drive” said Niva trying to stop blushing.
“Can I join?”
“Ofcourse” . They walked and talked. Every second Niva hoped that Abhi would hold her hand or hold her by her waist or even touch her cheeks. And every time she thought this, her heart would race. She unknowingly and willingly let herself draw to his charisma. But Abhi was like any other normal guy, nothing special and can easily go unnoticed in a small crowd as well. But Niva was all eyes for him. She had no clue what he thought about her, but it didn’t matter. Infact nothing mattered to her at that moment. She was happy, excited and lost in his company. She wished that this walk should never end and the conversation to go on for eternity.
They walked back to work and Abhi merely said “Bye and take care”.
“You too” came the reply from her.
As Abhi walked away from her, she realized that she was in LOVE with him. A true and a strong feeling that she had not experienced in her life, ever. The thought of Abhi leaving her was killing her. Her heart was racing away and she knew it. This was it, He is the One. She hardly knew about his personal life, his family background and not even his middle name, if he had any. All that is for old timers and not for me, thought Niva.
They met often in the toastmasters and exchanged notes. Abhi always made sure he saved a seat for her and would get super excited to encourage her during her speeches. Niva enjoyed the attention she was getting from him. The chemistry between them was undeniable. Niva was loving her life. This is what she wanted. Now all she was waiting for was the Proposal. Every time they went for a cup of coffee or lunch, Niva felt that this is the moment and this is when Abhi will propose me. But that didn’t happen. “He is too shy and apprehensive and taking it slowly. I can wait” is all she would say to herself to keep herself positive.
After a month, one fine morning, Niva woke up and as always as a part of her daily ritual, felt for her iPhone on her night stand, and slid the lock bar hoping to see a message from Abhi. There wasn’t any. She launched her gmail to see an email from him. No luck there as well. She was surprised because this was not routine. She always had something from Abhi. She got out of bed, did her daily routine chores and got out of her apartment and headed to work. She kept refreshing her mailbox but nothing came from Abhi. She called him but the phone was answered by his voicemail. She left him a message with a casual “Good Morning”.
She went to her desk and started working. She couldn’t get her mind off of Abhi and kept wondering where he was. Her calendar looked busy for the day and she had had back to back meetings to attend. Niva got back from her marathon meetings and slammed at her desk to check her phone and emails. Nothing from Abhi yet. She was upset but she had to keep it going. She got busy the rest of the day but at every possible opportunity, she called his cell phone but she could never reach him. It was evening and still no news from him. Niva was now insane and worse still she couldn’t talk about this to anyone. Not even her parents. She was waiting to reveal the news to her family and friends after Abhi’s proposal. Niva went home and called him the 12th time that day and still had to talk to his voicemail. She was upset, depressed and suddenly felt she lost Abhi forever. Her entire world had come to a standstill and without her knowledge tears rolled down her eyes . She cried inconsolably and she didn’t remember how long she cried before putting herself to bed.
This went on for ten days. Niva had obviously lost it. She was an entirely different person. She became frail and weak. Dark circles and sleepless eyes were prominent. Her friends and colleagues could see her energy drained face and decipher that something was wrong but left her to her privacy. She was all alone and suddenly felt that she did not belong in this world. On the 11th day, she got a call. This was the call she had waited for so many days. She saw his name flash on her screen. She just kept staring at the phone and didn’t know what to do. She mustered courage to finally answer it.
“Hello” came a quiet answer from Niva. The voice cracked and Abhi could barely hear it. It was more like a whisper
“Hi Niva” Abhi sounded equally dull and energy less. “I just saw your missed calls and heard your voicemails, sorry for getting back to you this late. Did you have something important to talk”?
Niva didn’t have an answer to his question. What would she tell him? That she lost her mental balance thinking about him and missing him. Or should she tell him that she loved him and life without him seemed meaningless. All she could say was “can we meet over coffee?”. He agreed.
That afternoon, Abhi sat there waiting for Niva and Niva walked in. And for the first time she did not look into his eyes and so did Abhi. They tried to look away from each other for different reasosn. They grabbed a latte each and walked towards their usual spot . After 5 minutes of silence, Niva couldn’t take it anymore and burst out crying and in rage started screaming at Abhi.
“What the hell do you think of yourself? What is it that you want to do to me? This is not fair and I don’t deserve it” And she started crying loudly. Abhi was totally embarrassed and totally unaware of her feelings and emotions took Niva in his arms and started consoling her. But no comfort and solace could comfort her. He tried to ask her”What happened, what are you talking about? What did I do?”
And finally when she wouldn’t hear a word of what he had to say, Abhi lost his temper, his first time ever and all he could say was “I have no idea what you lost in your life, but you have no idea what I’ve gone through the last ten days. I’ve lost everything; I’ve lost my love, my WIFE forever”.
Abhi turned back and started crying like a little baby. Niva was lost and the world in front of her was sinking. She was totally shocked and couldn’t feel the ground under her feet. She felt as if she was in an elevator which was taking her to an abysmal world. Her head started spinning. She stood there for a while Abhi cried his heart out and kept talking.
“Tanya and I have been married for 4 years. She was my soul mate. I’ve loved her more than I loved anything in this entire world. I woke up to see her beautiful face and the world’s sweetest smile. I went back to bed to see her sleep in peace next to me. That’s all I looked forward to each day. Tanya and I were high school sweethearts. We were so menat to be together all our lives. She was an absolutely amazing person with a zeal for life. She loved her life, and was always full of energy. Always so positive and optimistic. Tanya and I were expecting our first child in another 4 months when a couple of weeks ago, she met with a fatal accident on the freeway. I rushed her to the hospital but it was too late. I had lost everything in that accident. On the way to the hospital when she lay in my arms, she smiled at me and said “Don’t worry honey, everything will be fine”. I knew right then that nothing was ever going to be fine again. She took her last breath in my arms, I cannot forget that moment when I lost my love to his world.
I later flew her body to India for the last rituals. With moaning and silent tears all around me, I felt gagged and suffocated and couldn’t stay there anymore. I came back to my old place to relive my memories with my love. Niva, you have no idea what this means and what I feel right now. I’ve been wanting to meet you and wanted to seek some solace in you….” Abhi couldn’t find his voice.
Niva who had started walking away when Abhi was crying, stood there ten feet away from him listening to his story. Her world had frozen. She stood there listening to him. She couldn’t decide who had a bigger loss, who the god had been more merciless on, who deserved more to be comforted. She soon came to terms with reality and realized that this is the opportunity destiny gave her to be the bigger person. This is her chance to prove that she is there for him as a friend and guide. Maybe she couldn’t share happiness with him, but she sure could share his grief and she knew that a loss of a loved one is irreplaceable and irrevocable. At the end of all this thought process, all she could do was run to him and hug him. Abhi’s tears were unstoppable now and he cried out loudly. Niva knew that this was the man who wanted a friend for life and she is the person he chose..
They both stood there hugging each other in grief, both had a grief, ones grief was known and his tears were tangible, while the other’s grief was unspoken, unheard, her tears were invisible. It was difficult to say who was in more pain, but they had one thing in common: PAIN. And that pain would keep them together for life.
As to where these two people eventually end up, I leave it to the reader’s imagination.
