Motherhood : By Swathi T

Sunita and Rajesh were anxiously waiting in the waiting room of Dr Rajan’s Clinic, when the receptionist called their name and asked them to go inside. “Hello Sunita and Rajesh, please come” said Dr Rajan with a broad grin, showing them their seats. “Well, Indeed it’s a good news for both of you, Sunita your pregnancy is confirmed” beamed Dr Rajan, without noticing the expression on Sunita’s face which became stone-faced. Rajesh was in all smiles and talked about next appointments and other medical care with Dr.Rajan, none of which was heard by Sunita. Two days back when she checked for pregnancy test, it came negative and she was hoping that it was normal hormonal imbalance due to which her periods got delayed.

On the way back home, Rajesh was the one who was talking and talking and Sunita, silenty nodded with a plastic smile on her face. “No, this could be not real” came an inner voice from Sunita. As soon as Rajesh came to a halt in front of their house, he started making calls to all his friends, relatives, parents. Sunita didn’t understand the excitement of the moment but she never saw Rajesh so happy ever. She tried hard not to spoil the mood and tried to get involved in the happiness.

As days passed by, the thought of abortion started creeping into the mind of Sunita, but she was too scared to share her thoughts with Rajesh. Rajesh was in his own world of happiness and didn’t notice the change of behavior in Sunita. Sunita all of a sudden felt alone and helpless when one fine day her old college friend Radha came to meet her. After a long time, Sunita felt relieved to see her best friend Radha who got transferred to her place.

“Wowww…….Congratulations! I am so happy for you” shouted Radha when Sunita revealed about her pregnancy. “But why do you look so sad” said Radha noticing the dullness on Sunita’s face.

“Is everything alright? I hope there is not complication in your Pregnancy” questioned Radha.

“No everything is fine. Its just that I am not prepared” said Sunita .

Prepared for what!!! This is God’s gift” barked Radha as she used to during old times.

“Well its been just 5 months to our marriage. I had so many dreams. I am becoming mother at the age of 22, its ridiculous” cried Sunita.

“Well that’s ok Sunita, you can pursue your dreams even after the baby” assured Radha.

“No, everything will change. I will have to spend more time with my kid. There wont be enough time for myself. The whole world would revolve around the baby once the delivery. I am not prepared to be a mother. I may not be that good a mother after all.”

Radha tried her best to console her best friend Sunita for some time.

“Did you discuss your feelings with Rajesh?” asked Radha

“No, I have never seen him happier than he is now. I am too afraid to talk to him. He may start hating me if I say anything to him.”

Radha stayed at Sunita’s house for a while and tried her best to show her friendly support.

Months passed by, and Sunita was in her 6th month of her pregnancy. Sunita as usual remained aloof and disturbed. She stopped interacting with her neighbors as well as her own parents. Other than Rajesh, the only person she kept in touch with was, Radha.

“So how are you feeling now? Has the nausea gone?” asked Radha during one of her visits.

“Yes, I am better that way. I went for an ultrasound yesterday. Rajesh was very happy to see the growth of the baby in my tummy.” Said Sunita.

“What about you? Did you too feel happy”

“No. I don’t feel any kind of connection with the life growing inside me. I am afraid I will be a bad mother. I keep cursing the baby everyday. I am not getting any motherly feeling.”

After another 3 months baby Vaishali came into this world. Relatives from all over India, visited Sunita’s house, blessing the baby. Sunita remained her plastic self and greeted all her relatives with a smile just to please Rajesh. Everybody wanted to take baby Vaishali into their arms. Amidst all this Radha noticed the sad face of Sunita.

“Sunita, atleast now you have to accept the reality. You cannot act this way for whole of your life.” begged Radha taking Sunita to one corner of a room.

“What should I do Radha? I don’t feel attached to the baby. I am doing all this only for Rajesh. I am feeling very guilty but I cant help it” sighed Sunita.

After 2 months Radha invited Sunita for a house-warming party of their new bungalow. Sunita was hesitant but Radha begged her to come, as it would be a change for her too. It was a huge bungalow with 3 bedrooms in the first floor. There was a gathering of 100 people for the party and all were gathered in the basement of the bungalow. Many other classmates of Sunita attended the function and she was pleased to meet them all.

“Where is your daughter” asked one of Sunita’s friend to Sunita .

“She was feeling sleepy, so I made her sleep in one of the bedrooms above."

There was a lot of chitchatting and old memories coming back, made Sunita happy when all of sudden Sunita asked Radha who was standing beside her “Did you hear anything?”

“No, I didn’t, why??” said Radha.

“I feel somebody is crying” saide Sunita

“No, I don’t hear anything. Did you guys hear anything?” asked radha to other friends standing nearby.

Everybody denied in union and they started talking again. After few minutes, Sunita, again felt uncomfortable and said “I will go and check the baby”.

As she reached the bedroom above, she saw baby Vaishali crying and Sunita took her in her arms to comfort. Radha followed her after a minute to the bedroom, to see Sunita trying to condole her baby.

When Sunita, saw Radha standing near the door of the bedroom, she said “You see, I was right. She was crying!”

Radha started smiling.

“Why are you smiling?” asked Sunita irritated.

“Well, there are some 100 people down there. There is so much of noise and chaos down there, nobody could here the baby crying, but only you heard. And you keep telling me that you are not able to connect to the baby!!! Sunita, this is what motherhood is about.” Said Radha

There were tears in Sunita’s eyes and started holding her baby tight to her body.